For Parents

*Keep calm and as casual as you can so that you do not make them anxious.

*Talk to your children daily about all aspects of their lives. Open and keep open lines of communication.

*Tell them they have a right to control who touches them and how.

--kids need to know what to expect even in a physical examination

--boys need to be told about how a physician checks for a hernia

*A popular way of teaching about good vs bad touch is to let them know that no one should touch the parts of their body covered by their swim suits nor should they touch others there, even if the other person asks them to.

*Teach your child the correct names for the parts of their body.

*Teach them that some people may try to touch them in a place they do not want to be touched, sometimes even people in their family, like grandparents, uncles, aunts or cousins but they do not have to let them touch them.

*Teach them that IF someone touches them it is not the child’s fault!

*Finally, assure the child, that in these matters, if someone tells them not to tell Mommy or Daddy that it is then that it is really important that they do tell you. Assure them that even if the person tells them that they will hurt that or hurt Mommy or Daddy if they tell, they should still tell you.

Words from a survivor or child sexual abuse:

"If I were a parent I would be sure that I knew a family very well before I would let my child be in their house without me being there myself. If my child were to go on a camping trip whether with the Scouts or a church group or whatever, I would be one of the adults on that trip.

After my child returns from any time with any adult and I nor my wife were present, I would, in a friendly way, ask my child how they liked the time. What did they do? Did they go any place other than where I knew they were going? Ask what was most fun and what was least fun. It does not have to be an inquisition, but it good to give opportunities for the child to indicate that maybe something did bother them.

Watch for changes in your child.

Nightmares, being afraid to be in the dark.

Do they suddenly not want to go with or be with certain adults?

Do they make obscene kinds of body movements?

Do they hold their genitals or rub them?

Do they complain of soreness or irritation in the genital-urinary tract?

Have they become suddenly more angry than usual?

Do they have soiled underclothes? Bleeding? Etc.?

Note: Small children are not naturally seductive or make seductive motions. It is not natural for a child to point to their genitals before visitors, or act as though they were having sex. If this happens it is difficult, but necessary, to keep calm! Rather than scold them it is better to ask them where they learned to play that game? Who taught them to dance like that? If no information is forthcoming, continue to speak to the child about modesty, and proper behavior. If might be a good time to check as well, what they are watching on television. And, if you have babysitters, perhaps check on what they watch and who comes to visit them when they are baby sitting.

If your child discloses abuse